Another hurdle to jump

So as those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know, my maternal grandmother died on Saturday between 9:30 and 10:00pm. It was, of course, sad, but not unexpected. Grandma had been suffering from vascular dementia, which is essentially Alzheimer's. It has all the symptoms of Alzheimer's, but is supposedly accompanied by mini strokes in the brain that lead to the cell death. She had been deteriorating rapidly these past few weeks, both mentally and physically. The person that was Grandma had been gone for a long time before she actually died, so in some ways, it was a blessing that she passed. Not to mention that she died peacefully on a morphine drip and most likely in her sleep. I'll miss her, but I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore.

What has actually been more difficult this weekend is that I was surrounded by death. I went to the memorial service of one of my college friend's dad on Saturday, found out that Grandma died that night, and then Sunday was Father's Day. Let's just say that all of this has not been good for my eating and exercise plans.

Actually, the memorial service was nice. It was basically a big cookout (minus the grill) celebrating the life of my friend's dad and being there to support the family. It kind of reminded me of Dad's funeral in that it was a sad occasion, but the atmosphere wasn't solemn and stoic; it was nostalgic and supportive. The only thing that got to me was that I thought about how unimaginable it would be to lose both parents in the span of nine months. It made me very grateful that I still have Mom around. She's too feisty to die any time soon. ;)

Father's Day was tough this year. This is the second Father's Day without Dad and you would think that the first year would be the hardest, but it wasn't. Colleen and I went to the grave last year, which didn't have a grave marker yet, so we sat in the general area. It was nice. We listened to Simon and Garfunkel on the way down (it always reminds us both of Dad) and spent some time there before going home.
It just hit me harder this year. That's the way grief goes. You never know when it's going to hit and what is going to trigger it. That's what sucks so much about it.

So needless to say, my healthy eating plan has fallen by the wayside for the past few days. I ate way too much at the memorial service, followed by smores at my cousin's house and then Chinese food on Sunday. Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, I gained two pounds. I'm glad that I didn't gain back all of the weight I lost, but I did gain back half of it. It's a bit disheartening because it feels like I'm going back to square one and that all the effort I have put in for the last few weeks was all for nothing. I know that that is not true, but that's what it feels like.

I got back on track yesterday and I'm gonna try to be as good as I can over the next week, though it's going to be difficult. At least I know that I won't be emotionally eating because of the loss. I'm sad that Grandma is gone, but I'm not depressed. I'm happy that she lived a long, full life (she was either 84 or 85) and that she died peacefully. I know that she is in Heaven with Dad, so that is comforting. I also got to see her before she died, so I have no regrets. All I have to do is make sure that I don't go overboard with the food that will be at the "after party" and that I exercise when I can.

I'm just going to chalk this up to another hurdle that I have to overcome. Lord knows that I've had a lot of them in my 23 years of life and I'm still here. If what they say is true, that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", then I must be Superman.