There are days when I feel like a recovering addict.

I really do. I should be on one of those shows about addiction like "Intervention" or "Celebrity Rehab". "Hello, my name is Anna and I am a food addict".

But in all seriousness, I really feel like an addict because I am. Although there are those out there that believe that there is no such thing as food addiction, I have to say that food addiction is as real and life consuming as drug or alcohol addiction. In fact, anything that causes the activation of the pleasure pathways can lead to an addiction, whether that be drugs, food, shopping, sex, etc. The DSM-IV criteria for addiction is answering yes to three of the seven questions below.

1. Tolerance. Has your use of drugs or alcohol increased over time?
2. Withdrawal. When you stop using, have you ever experienced physical or emotional withdrawal? Have you had any of the following symptoms: irritability, anxiety, shakes, sweats, nausea, or vomiting?
3. Difficulty controlling your use. Do you sometimes use more or for a longer time than you would like? Do you sometimes drink to get drunk? Do you stop after a few drink usually, or does one drink lead to more drinks?
4. Negative consequences. Have you continued to use even though there have been negative consequences to your mood, self-esteem, health, job, or family?
5. Neglecting or postponing activities. Have you ever put off or reduced social, recreational, work, or household activities because of your use?
6. Spending significant time or emotional energy. Have you spent a significant amount of time obtaining, using, concealing, planning, or recovering from your use? Have you spend a lot of time thinking about using? Have you ever concealed or minimized your use? Have you ever thought of schemes to avoid getting caught?
7. Desire to cut down. Have you sometimes thought about cutting down or controlling your use? Have you ever made unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control your use?

Now replace "drug" and "alcohol" with food. That is food addiction. And let me tell you, I am definitely a food addict. Let's look at it in detail.

1. Strange as it sounds, I have a tolerance for food. I have eaten so much food every day that when I consume only as much as the average person should eat, I get hungry quickly. My body actually needs to have more food than the average person to feel full.
2. Now, while I will not compare food withdrawal with drug withdrawal (cause withdrawal from drugs is insane - vomiting, headaches, shakes, anxiety, etc.......not fun stuff), I will say that when I go without something sweet for a day, I get fidgety and start searching for anything even remotely sweet to satisfy myself.
3. Difficulty controlling my use? Well that's a huge "No duh!!" I usually eat even when I'm not hungry and I have a hard time not going on a junk food binge.
4. I think the negative consequences are pretty obvious. Food addiction leads to weight gain, which in turn leads to low self esteem and often low mood. Not to mention the obvious consequences to your health.
5. Now while I have never neglected an activity or obligation because of food, I have let the fact that I could not fit into any of my nice clothes stop me from going to my cousin's bachelorette party. So in a way, this could be a yes.
6. This is the big one! This is where food addiction, at least for me, has the closest connection to drug/alcohol addiction. I think about food all the time. Far more often than I should. And when I have a craving, that food is all I think about. I remember a few months ago when I was really bad in it and I had cravings for doughnuts all the time, especially the ones from Weis. (They have surprisingly good doughnuts) I used to go to the store just to buy them, but I would use cash so that I could just throw away the receipt and no one would have to know that I bought them. (My mom was reimbursing me for food shopping at the time, so I would give her the receipt if I went shopping and used my debit card.) I would also use the self check-out line so that the cashier wouldn't judge me for buying six doughnuts. When I got home, I would hide them in a cupboard in the kitchen so that no one would find them. After I ate them, and yes, I would eat all of them in one sitting, I would throw out the bag in either my own trashcan or hide it under other garbage in the kitchen trashcan. That way, no one would know what I did or criticize me for it. I know......that's a lot of energy going into just eating doughnuts. But that was part of my addiction.
7. I think this blog is the answer to this question.

So while I might not outright answer yes to every question, you can at least see how it can be done. Yet, people still want to say that there is no such thing. Bull!
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So the reason that I'm writing this post in the first place is because I fell off the proverbial wagon today. I went food shopping (since I have nothing else to do with my time) and I had a really strong craving for a doughnut. (one of my many Achilles heels) I have been really good about just passing by the bakery section in past trips to the store and buying my low fat Weight Watchers ice cream bars instead. (I can eat one and suck on the Popsicle stick for a few hours, which stops me from eating) But today was bad and I decided to give in. Granted, I only let myself buy two, but two is more than I should be eating. I found myself eating both in the same sitting and hiding the evidence like I used to do. I felt bad after I ate them, but then I did something that I've never done after eating doughnuts.............I didn't binge on more junk food and I exercised.

In the past, I would have seen the doughnut eating as failure and thrown in the towel. There is this mentality of "Well, I already screwed up. I might as well just eat stuff that's bad for me and start again next week." Of course, next week always turns into the 1st of the month, which turns into next semester, which turns into next year, which never happens. (See the viscous cycle?) But this time, I ate the doughnuts, went about my day, and walked on the treadmill before dinner. Granted, I still felt bad, but I didn't spiral.

So I guess I'm a recovering addict. I may never be able to kick the habit entirely like other addicts can (there is that whole needing to eat to live thing), but I am slowly learning how to manage.